A Fresh Start

I was sitting on our couch in the large family room. Surrounded by my mother and sisters. We had been gathered together by my father. Who told us he and our mother had news.

News, what kind of news? What kind of news would make for a family gathering?

I was ten years old. My sisters were much older, with my oldest sister about to graduate from high school in a few weeks. We all sat, you could feel the tension in the air. I stared from face to face not knowing exactly what was going on. Wondering what was going to happen?

My father came to sit down with a binder, which was much like him, always prepared. Him and my mother looked at each other smiled nervously and delivered the news.

And what news it was. My sisters all jumped up in an uproar screaming at the top of their lungs. "How could you do this to me!" "I hate you!" "I won't do it!" all three of them ran off balling their eyes out. I'm sure they threw themselves dramatically on their beds planning what they could possibly do to divert this disaster; which in their teenage minds was the end of the world. I sat quietly on the couch.

A move? The word almost seemed strange, foreign. My friend had moved, now me? Was this the end of the world?

We were leaving everything we ever knew. My whole family, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. My sisters were leaving their boyfriends, their friends. And even with all of the people I knew were going to be left behind, I only had one question. Just one that I couldn't wait to ask; that almost burst out of my skin as I sat patiently, waiting.

As my father turned to me and smiled nervously. My question burst forth like water rushing out of a broken damn.

"When do we leave?"

I was overjoyed! I was scared! I was happy! 

What did this mean to me? A fresh start and opportunity to start over with new people. Get out of this small town that I hated so much. Here I was already smeared the freak with one breast. I couldn't wait to go.

My father told me it was going to be in a couple of months. We were moving somewhere I had never been or seen or experienced. I asked him where we would be living and he said he wasn't sure yet. He had gotten us a temporary apartment until we found a house.

I didn't know yet but this move would change my life for the better. It would change everything of who I was. I didn't have to be ashamed. There would be new people that didn't know anything about me. It was like starting over and I could feel almost like I was being wiped clear and a new girl would be written in my place.

A girl that wouldn't be afraid or shy or weak. A girl that would stand up for herself and be wiser with her decisions. A girl that the world should watch out for. And most importantly a girl who would be instilled with confidence and without the fear to be afraid of her own body and her own Poland Syndrome. The move changed me. I changed myself.

Poland Syndrome changed me, defined me. But this time around, this chance. I wouldn't let it defeat me.

Until next time...

You're Perfect just the way you are

No one's as Special as you

The Silver Lining

My life is the true definition of "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." If you really want your life to be happy it will be. It's just how you look at it. Like my mother told me if she had one breast it would have broken her. Me, not even close. I mean I had rough patches and more then a few moments when I broke down in tears. But that doesn't mean that I didn't try and be happy.

Like I've said before I didn't have many friends when I was very little. I spent most of my childhood being teased, bullied and ignored. As the years past I found myself nine years old. A milestone for me. Surprisingly there was one person that made this point in my life special. Her name was Jessica and she was my first and only true friend.

Jessica's family was dirt poor. Like ramen noodles for dinner every night poor. All of the other girls that were my "friends" were very well off. I don't know if this made a difference in her accepting me or not but it seemed like she and her family were kinder then other's I had met before.

At a sleepover both of us decided to play dress up, I was nervous and tried to hide myself as much as possible. As we were adorning ourselves with pretty dresses and pretending to be princesses I turned to see her staring at me. She had noticed that I was different and was curious. I took a deep breath and explained. I was afraid of what would happen next. I told her that it was how I was born and that I only had one breast. She smiled and shrugged and said a sentence that changed me forever. "You look the same to me." I asked her to keep it a secret. She never told a soul.

It gave me hope. After my short nine years of living I had found someone that didn't care if I had one breast and treated me like any other girl. We spent almost all of our time together I saw her almost every day. And when the other girls teased me she would stand up for me.

She made me realize that I didn't have to hide and that there was nothing wrong with me. Her friendship meant more to me than I could have ever explained to her. I don't think she ever knew how much she really meant to me. She started a path for me that changed my life forever. It made me look at myself in a completely different way and I knew that I could find other friends in the future.

I was heart broken when she moved away. Her father finally found a job which was great for their family but it was far away. We kept in touch through letters for a little bit but this was before the convenience of social networking.

I still think of her often and hope that she is well. I will never forget my first friend and how she impacted my life. I will always be grateful to her for showing me the first kindness from a friend. It opened up doorways that helped me become friends with many more girls.

If you have children encourage them to love and accept people and other children that are different and treat them like anyone else. You never know how much this could impact someone's life. Kids can sometimes be so mean. If one person reaches out, just one, it could change someone's life forever.

Thank you Jessica, for being my friend.

Until next time...

You're Perfect just the way you are
No one's as Special as you

Cinderella and Three Sisters

Okay I'm not sure if I'm Cinderella but that is what my father always called me. He always said I was the sweet little sister who had three evil step sisters. My father seemed to favor me when I was younger, much to the dislike of my sisters.

My sister's weren't always the nicest to me when I was younger. Granted I was a little brat, like I said before I was a hot head and had a temper. I probably deserved some teasing at some point. But the constant teasing, bullying and even abuse just went too far.

I was the youngest and the odd man out. Between me and my sister, closet to my age, there was a four year gap. All of my other sisters were two and three years apart. They were just closer in age and excluded me.

I'm sure a lot of the bullying was done just because of the age difference. When I was seven my sisters were eleven, thirteen and sixteen. There's just a big gap, I was at such a different level then them. But every so often I was teased about my breast. My sister's would steal my breast form and throw it about in front of their friends. They would tell their friends my secret. And constantly take my breast form without asking, to wear in their own bras so that it would look like they had bigger breasts. While constantly calling me names if not about my breast then other parts of my body. I tried to laugh it off like it was a big joke, but then I would go back to my room and cry.

It was hard, especially coming from my sisters. I got a lot of teasing from my friends, but with my sisters I had to be around them all the time. It all became a vicious cycle the more they were mean to me the more I hated them and were mean to them, then it repeated.

The more they bullied and teased me the more I felt it was because of my one breast. It all seemed to come back to that. They didn't understand and treated me like I was different just like my mother.

My parents always stopped such behavior and punished my sisters. It was never allowed in my house, but it still happened regardless. All my parents had to do was leave the house and something bad would happen. My mom told me that they started to take me with them on errands because they were concerned for my safety. One of my sisters had tried to strangle me before and they were afraid that she would kill me.

Not a good environment to be in at all.

It was frustrating for me. I had no friends, not even in my family.

On the outside we seemed to be normal. Nice house, nice cars perfect middle class family living the dream. But I always felt like an outsider.

These problems got better as we all became older. I wouldn't put up with their crap anymore and I could protect myself from any physical abuse. But it never went away entirely.

My relationship with my sisters got overall better. I'm great friends with one, good friends with the other two. But the one sister that tried to strangle me we still struggle with our relationship. Not like that's a big shocker!

Don't let your other children tease, bully or abuse your child with poland syndrome. If this is happening you can try and let your other children see how it's effecting them. I knew it was me that my sisters couldn't stand so much, but never knew why. I always assumed it was because I was different from them and that's what stemmed all of the other bad things. You can't even imagine how this made me feel. I didn't feel like I was good enough and was very sad sometimes as a little girl.

I would try very hard to be happy. I would always smile, play outside and try and make new friends. But every friend I would confide my secret too would blab to everyone. It was hard to trust people. I wanted to really bad but I eventually built up a wall.

My mother realized later that she should have taken action and done something more with my sisters. She was sorry that all of that was going on and she wished she protected me more.

But no matter how down I got I managed to lift myself higher. It took time but I became stronger and discovered things about myself that I wouldn't have before.

You can't protect your children all the time, but I would hope that you could at least protect them from family.

Until next time...

You're Perfect just the way you are
No ones as Special as you